"Motherf*** Gentrification" - (Spike Lee)

Wow. You can't leave New York for two minutes, let alone two months, like I did, without your neighborhood suddenly becoming unrecognizable.

Since arriving back in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn, following a two-month stint away in Washington, here's what I've found so far:

1. A brand new bodega three doors up from my place on Vanderbilt Avenue. And this has never been a bodega kind of neighborhood. There's that one right next door to me where people shout exceptionally loud Spanish and sometimes English swear words, but that was it for miles. It's not like Manhattan, where there are bodegas on top of each other, inside each other, ever corner. I've always wondered how they all stay in business. Now we'll see what happens to "La Reyna" bodega now that "Prospect Heights" bodega has cut its ribbon. Another sign of Brooklyn mimicking Manhattan, along with its expensive speakeasy bars and American Apparel stores - trying to make it so that its residents never ever have to or want to leave it. Brooklyn has always been jealous of its sexier, leaner, wang-shaped brother across the river.

2. Holy crap, a new fleet of "Q" trains! That's my main subway line to and from the city. Once of the traditional dank subway car variety, with orange seats, doody-black floors, and half-dead lightbulbs, now the Q's are silver and shiny, with a neon-lit "Q" at the helm and computerized maps, fluorescent lighting, and periwinkle blue benches going long-ways. They look cleaner. That slightest bit more Japanese. I don't know if they hold more people or run any better than the old ones. It was a shock to see it coming at me, docking into 7th Avenue Station. And even though it might not improve my travel time across the Manhattan Bridge, it was exciting to witness. Finally my train can compete with the uptown "6" train and the downtown "N," which have had the new model for years. AND, according to many online commentators, the "Q" is becoming the new "L." Oh my god, I never thought I would hear those words, even in jest. I would love to see the faces of all of my detracting Williamsburg-residing friends trembling in horror at the notion.

3. A new freaking crosswalk at Grand Army Plaza! Just to the left of the giant Soldiers' and Sailors' Arch facing the park. (Yes, I just learned the name for this arch, so I'm using it. Like everyone else, I used to know it only as "that big arch thing with Lincoln on it.") That goddamn circle of traffic around the park used to take approximately 4 hours and 16 seconds for a pedestrian to cross. Now it takes only 4 hours flat. And there is a big new outcrop of shrubbery gracing the triangular verge that stops you in the middle of Eastern Parkway, not to mention new bike lanes, painted aqua green. I mean, it's like, where am I? Seriously, the whole area at the mouth of Prospect Park has been altered to make me forget how long I am always waiting for the sixteen different traffic lights to change in my favor.