The Wall

This goes out to the girl reading my blog who's been encouraging me to kill myself: I HAVE RECENTLY BEEN MADE HAPPY BY MY WALLS.

.. the walls of my apartment, which I've spent a lot of time staring at of late. However, what makes these walls different from the walls I usually stare at is that I have been staring in order to pick a color to put on them. These are not the walls I stare at inadvertently while contemplating the meaninglessness and tedium of my life, which makes a nice change.

I put this color on ONE of them.



I mean, yes, okay, the edges of the wall make it look like my apartment was painted by a ten-year-old boy, aided possibly by his eight-year-old friend, and that instead of taping the edges, they ran Hot Wheels dipped in paint across them.

But when I look straight at the center, I feel happy. I feel like I'm staring into the deep blue sea. Well, actually, that's wrong. It looks much more like blue cake icing than the ocean. It's a nice old Blue #12, "To Our All-Star Son!" icing. Maybe that's why I like it. I have always been soothed by sweets and confection. Huh - happy accident.

Now that I went to the terrible trouble of putting this color on the one wall, and it's connected ceiling beam, I'm not so sure i want to paint the rest of the walls. And that's not just 'cause I'm lazy and it's harder than I thought it would be (up and down that bleedin' ladder...) but more because I like having a white apartment with one blue side.

If I wasn't such a shortsighted fool, I would not have put dozens of "test squares" all over the place. I've got four different shades of blue in misshapen one-foot squares on every wall in the apartment.



(Look to your right. Those are all over the joint.)

And now I've either got to cover them up with paint, or try to pass them off as modern art.

I don't think anyone will buy the latter. Even if they did, I wouldn't buy it - and I'm trying to recognize the little man inside my head as a legitimate voice that sometimes has good ideas.

I already bought a gallon of a DIFFERENT shade of blue, which I'd planned to put on the other walls, but I think that might be a mistake. However, I don't have the money to buy another gallon of paint, so I am now asking anyone out there who has white paint left over from any old projects to send it to me.

Please pour into an envelope and send to:

'BLACKMAIL
BEHIND THE HOT WATER PIPES
THIRD WASHROOM ALONG
VICTORIA STATION'

(did I mention I'm also inexplicably HAPPY about the upcoming 40th Anniversary of:

?)

Ho! Take that, suicide girl. Depressive nerd gettin' happy over here over a little thing called October 5th!

NOW who's maladjusted?