Hold up, hold up, Time Out.

I am writing my first-ever article for Time Out NY and it is both a solemn honor and an effing nightmare.

Eager to pitch something, anything, to the magazine's "Out There" section, I threw them a story related the only New York-centric controversy I've been thinking about: the Broadway Stagehands' Strike, which is in its eighteenth day and is costing the city millions, and which canceled my tickets to see The Seafarer.

So in my infinite wisdom, I stayed up all night constructing a pitch that aimed to uncover what other unions are out there that people generally don't know about (like the stagehands) and what would happen to the city if they suddenly went on strike? Then, you know, I'd write some jokes about it.

Well, surprise surprise, they loved the idea. And now I have to have it written by tonight. I'm discovering that what was supposed to be a lighthearted yet factual quick-look at lesser-known unions is a project that requires a mountain of research into a VERY not funny subject.

Hear me now: labor disputes are not funny or quirky or cute. And to get information about them, you have to read about thirteen-thousand articles.

I should not be writing this blog entry. I'm supposed to be looking up the last wacky controversy stirred up by the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers Union.

I have learned my lesson. Actually two lessons: 1. That I must be some kind of extraordinarily talented magazine pitcher and 2. Dude - think before you pitch.